Sunday, December 14, 2008

These are the first three stanzas of a poem I wrote a few years ago based on a chapter in a book I wrote and am now re-writing. It's a little depressing, but it describes the part in the story from the FMC's point of view.

All around me is white.
Piercing, blinding, eternal blank
All my emotions have slowly sank
Deep into the everlasting walls
That seem to swell in these bright halls.

I have the sudden urge to kill
Though my blood will not spill
My tears they shed of the past
A sign of hope, I see at last.

A patch of grass so white and fine
White as snow, the tree is mine
The fruit will keep me live and well
Until I die my soul will dwell.

8 comments:

Michelle said...

I like that! I like how you didn't just put anything so it would rhyme, you made it make sense AND sound good! Nice job!

Annie Bakker said...

I absolutly loved it!! it was amazing!!! sorry im terrible at poems so i when i hear a good one i like love it! good job!

.:♥river♥:. said...

Thanks guys! I was worried there would be some harsh remarks but I'm so glad you liked it :]

.:♥river♥:. said...

lol actually when I started writing the first stanza, I didn't mean for it to rhyme but when it did I liked it so I kept going.

Annie Bakker said...

why did you think someone would do harsh remarks about it??

Kimberly said...

I love "Piercing, blinding, eternal blank" great combination of meaning and sounds. You have a wonderful sense of the sounds of words.
What is especially interesting to me is that, though I loved reading your next post that explains the back story, the poem also works well on its own (the mark of a good poem!)

.:♥river♥:. said...

I've had other people like my family read it and they think I'm like suicidal and depressed so they didn't like it. So I thought you guys would think something similar, but I'm glad you see it the way I do.

Annie Bakker said...

Well thats silly. I loved it so dont listen to them in this particular subject! dude anouther reason why i dont let my family read my stories!!